I have been trying to catch up on Twitter and Geoffrey's blog as well as on reading the Trumpet.com. So many things have taken up my time lately that I haven't been on any of these much in the past week. Most of what took up my time was really unessential for the most part, just wasted time actually. But a few things have happened that are worth writing perhaps.
I have begun writing letters to one of my spiritual sisters who has breast cancer. She's at home and not taking chemo or any kind of treatment but completely depending on God for healing or for the empowerment from God to endure if He allows this to continue. I have spoken on the telephone with Joann and she is so filled with faith. However the cancer has spread in her chest and weighs a pound or two that makes it difficult for her to turn over in bed or to walk around without difficulty.
She explained how the growth which has to be constantly bandaged sometimes bleeds profusely and she has to be taken by ambulance to a nearby hospital so that they can stop the bleeding or she would bleed to death within a short period of time. The doctors get onto her sometimes because she won't submit to treatment but her faith in God's ability to heal is strong and by His power she resists and will resist until the very end. She has a hospice nurse in three times a week.
Joann has mentioned more than once that if God allows her to die that she just prays that it will be during the night when she's asleep and that it will be due to blood loss because she's heard that is the least painful way to go. She has begun praying that God will release her to sleep (death) until the resurrection if He will. But she is prepared to endure as long as God allows it, even unto death. The faith God has given her to go through this ordeal is a huge witness to all of us who know her.
Also, for the past couple or maybe three months I have a neighbor on one side of the apartment where I live who has some deep problems I think. Her name is Maria. Since she and her big black dog named Bonnie have moved in next door to me she has acted very strangely. She doesn't work so she's either on disability of some kind or welfare maybe. She's not that old to not be able to work so I don't know what the situation is. But from what has happened I gather that she has some financial problems and may have already been behind in her rent payment.
When she moved in she was up all night and all day it seemed like. I had to wonder if she ever slept. She stayed on the move all the time, walking constantly back and forth, going into the bathroom which is right on the other side of my apartment wall next door to my own bathroom, where she would turn the hydrant water on and off, on and off, every few minutes. She doesn't just walk, she stomps and the heavy bottomed shoes she wears can't be missed. Even at night she wears those heavy shoes, clumping back and forth. She also would slam doors quite frequently--even at night--and drop something heavy onto the floor at times that would make my floor shake. The thing is that there was constant noise of some kind from her all the time and it was having an effect on me.
I had met her a time or two. She claims to have allergies and that she can't breathe to come inside to visit me since I do love scented things, perfume, candles, Dove soap, etc. So she will stand outside away from me the few times I've spoken with her. She says that she can even smell the Gain laundry detergent that I use coming outside whenever I do my wash.
Then her dog...Whenever she leaves it alone to go to the library (she told me) it cries. She had asked me once just after she moved in if the dog bothered me crying when she left and she told me that she'd heard that Bonnie cries when she leaves her. I hadn't heard it crying--yet at the time she memtioned it. But later I began to hear it. At first I thought it was Maria running a vaccuum cleaner perhaps because there was a steady, regular rythm to it.
One Sabbath I couldn't attend church services and it cried all day because Maria was gone. The sound of it began to grate on my nerves and distract me from my reading. So I went to one of the walls and spoke to the animal. I thought it would be able to hear me since animals do hear sounds humans can't. I thought the sound of someone around might soothe the beast (you should see this dog, it's huge) and it did quiet Bonnie down for a few minutes but then the moaning sounds would begin again.
The following week Maria came up as I was getting into my car and, keeping her distance from me, spoke to me in a friendly way and I decided to tell her about the sounds the dog had made. She denied that she'd left the dog at home. She is claiming that she takes the dog with her when she goes off. She also lies without thinking twice about it. I know what I heard and I even heard the dog's tail thumping against the wall at one point that day. If it wasn't the dog I heard crying on the days she was gone then what was it? I refrained from saying anything I was thinking but I was surprised that she would lie boldly like that. I just got into my car and drove away.
Just yesterday I heard the dog crying and I even looked out but her van was still there so she was home. I had to wonder if perhaps she had "hit" the dog and had shut it up in the bedroom alone to punish it and that's why it was crying, the very same sound that I'd heard on Sabbath. She has mentioned to me once before that she had to "hit" the dog. I just imagine her using her fists on the dog. She has a temper that is obvious from the way she slams the doors. Sometimes she shuts it so hard it makes my windows rattle.
She also denies that she is awake any time past midnight. She has slammed her car doors at night around 1 or 2 am in the morning nearly every night. She stomps around, turns the water on and off, and then goes out to her van where she either gets things out or puts things into it (I have no idea) and slams the door shut again and continues her walking. This happens nearly all night--every night. It's a wonder that other people in the complex haven't complained about her nightly trips to the van.
I had begun to believe that Maria--and her dog--were both demon possessed. I truly got a bit scared of her and prayed for God's protection. I had also begun to think horrible thoughts toward her because of her lying on top of everything else.
Then we had a sermon about closing off doors that allow Satan to get to us. I was deeply effected by this sermon and prayed for God to empower me to close off the door Satan was using with my neighbor to cause me to think sinfully toward her. So I prayed and I asked God to forgive me for the wrong thoughts and to empower me to practice thought control and not dwell on unloving thoughts. I also prayed that God would show me what He wanted me to learn from this since I had asked Him to cause it to stop if it was His will to do so and the sounds continued. So I accepted it as God's will and I know that nothing can happen unless God allows it so I knew I needed to find out what I needed to learn, what God was trying to show me.
I asked God to empower me to ignore the sounds and not let Satan use Maria to get to me as she has been. I asked that God help me close that door. I decided to turn on the tv or some music to cover the sounds she makes even at night rather than to sit and dwell on what she was doing as I had done. And I asked God to give Maria peace and calm so that she would sleep at night and to keep the demons quiet. I really do believe there are demons involved in all of this.
Then a change took place. Lately Maria hasn't been as noisy at night. I'm able to sleep all night again most of the time. During the day there are still sounds and noises filtering through but they are lessened or maybe I'm just not hearing them as clearly as I did before and God has empowered me to ignore most of them as I requested. God is truly merciful.
Today I'm more back to normal again. The demons are at bay to some extent and Maria is calmer. No doors slamming lately. But the water is still on and off again throughout the day along with the clumping around. At least it's more quiet for the most part--especially at night. The main thing is, I believe, that God wants me to learn to depend on Him for everything and not let the world get to me.
Today, as I look back on it all, I'm grateful that Maria has allergies to my perfume and laundry detergent. I can't imagine what might have happened if she had begun coming into my home. I will reply to her kindly when she speaks but I won't go out of my way to be friendly first. I honestly believe that I should keep as far from Maria as I can and not open any doors that I can avoid. I have been dealing with this for weeks and finally today I'm beginning to get my life back on track again and I know that God will empower me to tolerate whatever Maria does in the future.
I am praying however that, if it is God's will, that one of the two of us will be moved away soon. And if Maria moves, which she has mentioned that she intends to do by the end of July, I hope she takes those noisy demons with her. *laugh* But I no longer believe anything Maria tells me, so I will just continue to ask God to empower me to ignore her noise and to control my thoughts and to trust Him to help me.
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